He's 37 and thinking of quitting a $165,000 job.

Numbers first: the financial picture

The reader, who identified himself only as "Father & Husband," says he and his 33-year-old wife have a combined financial position few couples reach in their 30s. He has a $165,000 salary he plans to give up. His wife earns about $150,000. Together they report a $1.3 million net worth and roughly $200,000 in cash set aside as a safety cushion.

Look, those figures matter. The couple says they’ve reached "coast FIRE"—their investment balance is large enough that, with expected market growth, they could stop adding to retirement accounts and still be on track to retire at a typical age. The letter notes their retirement is "mathematically secure even if we never save another penny." That's why the writer feels financially able to test life without his paycheck.

He also plans to pivot to part-time consulting once their youngest child starts school, while for now his full-time job would be parenting and managing the household and estate. He and his wife say her salary already covers the lifestyle they want, including travel and planned home projects such as finishing the basement and replacing flooring.

Why he's leaning out now

The driver isn’t cash alone.

The father explains his decision partly as a response to trauma: his own father suffered early-onset dementia and died young. Watching that decline convinced him not to wait until retirement to try to live more fully with his children.

He adds that he and his wife currently see their kids awake for only about 90 minutes a day because of demanding jobs. "The trade-off no longer feels worth it," he wrote. That line—short and blunt—captures the emotional calculus at play.

Advice offered in response

Quentin, the advice columnist who received the letter, praised how thoroughly the father had thought things through but also flagged a common cognitive risk. "You can put all of those issues in a bowl and cook up a variety of answers that will affirm your wish to give up work," Quentin wrote, warning of confirmation bias.

In other words: the reader has strong reasons to quit, but he should still test assumptions that favor that choice.

Thing is, quitting now changes more than the family schedule. It alters future earning power, employer benefits, career momentum, and how the couple approaches retirement contributions and tax planning. The letter shows they've thought about some of this—he plans part-time consulting later, and they hold a large cash buffer—but not every practical detail is spelled out in the note to the columnist.

Practical issues to check before pulling the plug

Start by running the numbers you can’t unsee. If you stop earning $165,000, what happens to your household tax bill, retirement contributions and employer-provided benefits such as health insurance or disability coverage? If your wife continues to cover current spending, will that still hold if she has career disruptions, takes parental leave, or reduces hours? The reader's cash cushion helps, but it’s not the whole story.

Look at the retirement math closely. Being "coast FIRE" depends on assumptions about future returns, inflation and lifespan. Test scenarios where returns are lower or health care costs rise. Ask: how long does $200,000 in cash last if an unexpected job loss or medical event hits? What if you decide to scale back consulting and bring in only a fraction of your previous income?

Don't forget the soft stuff. Leaving a high-earning role often prompts a jolt to identity. The letter asks how to navigate the switch from "high-earning provider" to primary caregiver. That’s real. Couples should talk through roles, expectations, and fallback plans: Who handles emergency finances? Who makes long-term investment decisions? How will you prevent resentment when one partner bears the bulk of childcare?

Options that keep flexibility

There are middle roads that let parents test time at home without burning bridges. Cutting to a part-time schedule, taking a sabbatical, negotiating an extended unpaid leave, or shifting to a less demanding role inside the same company can preserve benefits and make return easier. The father’s plan to consult part-time once his youngest starts school is one such approach. It keeps a foot in the labor market and preserves future re-entry options.

Another idea: simulate the decision for a year. Reduce work hours or take an extended leave and see if the stress relief and family time match expectations. That reduces the risk of an abrupt, permanent career break that’s harder to reverse.

How common is this choice?

More households are weighing time versus money. Rising wealth at younger ages—especially among dual-earner couples—gives families options they didn’t have before. Still, every situation differs. Some couples prefer to keep both paychecks for the security buffer. Others, like this father, value being present now because of family health history or personal priorities.

Whatever path a family takes, it helps to make the decision as deliberate as the rest of their planning has been. That means writing down the plan, stress-testing it across bad-case scenarios, and naming triggers that would prompt a return to full-time work. It also means talking openly about who will handle what and when the part-time or stay-at-home period ends.

Money moves to consider if you stop working

Right now, preserve retirement accounts where possible. Keep contributing via spousal IRA rules or rollover options if you expect gaps. Maintain adequate life and disability insurance. Review estate documents—he mentions managing the estate as part of his new role—and make sure beneficiaries and powers of attorney are up to date. Keep the emergency cash intact until you’re sure the new budget is stable.

And plan for re-entry. Maintain professional networks, do one consulting gig a year, or take courses to keep skills fresh. Those steps make it simpler to return to higher-paid work later if you want to.

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"The trade-off no longer feels worth it," the reader wrote.